Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize