i think i have two assholes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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