So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize