i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize