does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
