hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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