And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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