He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
