i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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