I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
