he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
