i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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