i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize