someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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