recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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