I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
