It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
