I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
