So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize