You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
