She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
