i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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