no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
