he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
