careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
