i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
