seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize