I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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