I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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