well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
handjob tips. give me some.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
