i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
