All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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