Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
