We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
