he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
