I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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