ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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