proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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