Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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