remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
