I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
