I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
