Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
