Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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