you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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