All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
