I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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