her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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