I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
