And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
