yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
