It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
