after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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