Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
