Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
