I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize