Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize