who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
