so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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