why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
