she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How's work?
Spinning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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