So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
