How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
