We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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