So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
