She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
